Tonight was one of those nights when I picked up J Henry and rocked him instead of letting him cry (I could go on about this issue but I'll save that for another time). As opposed to the other nights when he goes to sleep fine, then wakes up screaming at intervals throughout the night, and I lay awake and listen and pray that he'll calm down and go to sleep soon.
I picked him up and he lay on my chest while I rocked him and a flood of thoughts went through me. The way he immediately calmed down and embraced me was incredibly mesmerizing and humbling. He needs me. All the other things he experiences right now he may be unsure of but one thing I know that he knows is that mom will always be there. Which led me to my next thought about God. When was the last time I felt the embrace of his arms encircle me? I do not doubt that he is there for me or that he loves me. But when, or should I say, why have I not let Him see how completely dependent on Him I am? I was so deeply touched tonight because Henry let me hold him and let me know how much he needs me. So, just as I feel for Henry, does not God feel the same for me? God already knows I need him but the feeling that comes when a child SHOWS you they need you is indescribable. I can't believe I've been depriving my Heavenly Father of that feeling. I now have this incredible desire to fall at His feet and praise and worship and thank Him.
Tonight I learned that I want to be a little bit more like my son. Tonight I learned a little bit more about God.