Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The first 3 weeks

I've heard mixed reviews about Lucile Packard. Some people felt like if you don't have a baby with some sort of medical issue they kind of brush you aside while others felt their stay was pleasant. Luckily, my experience was the latter. Part of the reason may have been that I didn't have to share a room.
Us coming home.  I didn't realize how scared I was until I saw these 2 sitting in the back together. AHHHH! 

I was so set on just having this baby that I forgot about all that happens afterword.  Like having to wear a pad the size of Texas because you bleed for the next 2 weeks.  Or the contractions that come from your uterus getting smaller (it was worse this time than it was with Henry). 
Or the worst (warning, I go into detail about this so stop reading if the word nipple offends you), that I wasn't expecting this time- breastfeeding.  I knew I was going to do it, and that it was going to happen.  I just wasn't prepared for how painful it was going to be.  I didn't remember it being this bad with Henry.  She always eats and sucks really well (although, they did snip the extra skin under her tongue- while it was hard to watch it was surprisingly quick and after she ate it was like nothing had happened).  Regardless of her great eating style, my nipples were just not on the same page.  Holy smokes they hurt so bad.  I figured it would be bad the first couple days so I kind of just took it.  But about 3 days after it was beyond what I could handle.  I would dread any feeding (which was happening every 2-3 hours) because it meant my poor cracked and bleeding nipples would have to be cut off (it's a pretty accurate metaphor for what I was feeling).  I started to feel a very similar feeling I had with Henry- inadequacy.  But that word doesn't do it justice.  There is something so devastating about not being able to provide for your child.  Especially when you're hormonal, have just given birth, your breasts are beyond huge, and you're prideful like myself.  We went and talked to the doctor who suggested pumping for 24 hours to give me a break.  That's when I lost it.  Well, I made it to the car, where I had to breastfeed because she was hungry and crying but I broke down.  It just feels like if breastfeeding is so good for babies and women have been doing it for all of time then why was I sucking at this so badly?!?  I obviously was a stupid mother and I didn't know what the hell I was doing and I should just give up (these are not my thoughts now, but it's honestly how I felt then).  Really though, why couldn't I provide for my daughter just like every other woman does?  Why was I being such a wimp?  Those were my thoughts that left me crying that whole day and the next morning.
I took the doctor's advice, rented a really nice pump, and did it for 24 hours.  It hurt to pump but not as bad as Kate sucking on them.  I was putting warm compresses and ointment on them, leaving them open to let them heal.  I was still pretty discouraged just because they weren't feeling that much better.  After the 24 hours were up though, it was a little better.  It still hurt but not as bad.  And we slowly got to the place I am now.  She still eats every 2-3 hours and the initial latch is slightly uncomfortable but I can feed my daughter without crying and wincing in pain.  We have other issues such as her eating too fast or how often she wants to eat but we're in a lot better place than those first few days.  Did I mention we didn't have anyone here to help for the first couple of days?  That probably contributed to how down in the dumps I felt but we made it through and we're getting the hang of it!
Woah, that was serious.  Glad that's over.
She didn't like her first bath so much... Henry apparently did though.
 But she's a good sport :)
 And looked really cute afterwords!

 If you didn't see the pictures I posted on facebook- go look now.  This was just a little bit of what my husband put Kate though one day.  So funny :)

 We're so happy!!!  Here's a funny.  Yesterday I set Kate on the couch so I could go get a drink.  As I walked away she started screaming really loud and it didn't sound like her normal cry.  I ran back to her to see one of her hands flailing while the other was right by her head.  The hand by her head had grabbed a chunk of hair and the more it hurt the tighter she was holding on to the hair she was pulling.  I had to carefully unfold the white knuckle grip she had on her own hair.  Silly babies ;)
 The nice thing about pumping is that little brothers get to help feed!
 Anyway, we got a ton of help from my mother in law who came when she was a week old and stayed for a week.  It was a pretty nice gig.  I would feed Kate and then Jane would take her in the middle of the night until it was time for her to eat again.  I love sleep and I love Jane for how good she is at helping out.  Really, she always knows just what to do to make things better.  Plus, she took care of Henry, made awesome food, and made sure we were all taken care of.  Thank you Jane, your presence is sorely missed in this house!

Have I mentioned that Kate is a great baby?  Because she is amazing.  She eats and sleeps beautifully.  When she is awake she loves to look around and just likes to be held (as opposed to Henry who spent most of his waking hours screaming).

I am a very lucky woman with and incredible family.  MT is so good to get up in the middle of the night to be with Kate when she wants to be held.  He adores her with everything he has and smothers her with kisses.  Henry has gotten a little more sassy with me but I actually think it's more based on the fact that he can communicate his wishes to us now.  He LOVES Kate and always asks to hold her and also smothers her with kisses.  I've got a very good life people.  I don't quite know how I got so lucky but I thank God every day for how grateful I am to Him for having all that I do.

Ok, that was a lot of blogging.  Now time to go be a mom.  Peace out.

1 comment:

  1. I had no idea you were alone for a few text and I would have hopped on a plane...silly girl...text me next time!!!
    Love you!