Saturday, September 14, 2013

Let's lighten it up

I've been thinking about new inventions for mom's of small children:

-A shirt that has several layers so when you get spit up on you just peel the top layer off and voila- clean shirt.  Some of you ask well why don't you just have them spit up in a burp rag?  Reality check- you can have burp rags all over your flippin body and your baby WILL find a way to get it on what you're wearing.  You think I'm joking?  Go ask a mom, right now.  Some ask, well  why don't you just change your shirt?  Ain't no body got time for that.

-A shirt that has chew toys attached to the shoulders.  Right on top and going down the arm.  Kate is 8 months and when I hold her she still likes to chew on my shoulder/shirt.  It's genius.  Shirt for you, chew toy for baby.  Can you tell I have children spitting up on me and dirty shirts all the time?

-A heart rate monitor for children to wear all the time and portable device that tells the parents the rates.  That way, when Henry is up stairs and I'm down stairs busy doing dishes, my monitor starts beeping when his heart rate goes up because he's about to color his wall blue, his feet and legs blue, and his face and arms blue.  Better than a video monitor because you can keep track of them in all locations.  It also would beep when Kate's heart rate when down because Henry is smothering her with hugs and literally smothering her (this didn't actually happen, although I have no doubt it would if I left them together long enough- he means well).  Or would that make her heart rate go up?  Maybe it would go up first and then down?  I don't know.  Either way- genius invention.

-A mommy room.  You know how you have a living room and a kitchen and a bedroom?  How about a room just for mom.  It's got NOTHING in it.  No clutter, nothing to clean... maybe a bed.  No, then you'd have to make it.  Ok, it'd have a super huge big pillow to lay on and a TV showing only Walker Texas Ranger (or what ever her favorite show is) and all of that would be in a large vacuum so no dust would accumulate.  Alright, this one needs some work.

-microwaves with pre programmed meals.  "Man, I don't have stuff for lunch today," says mom.  (Walks over to microwave and presses button that reads PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH, CARROTS, AND APPLES).  Boom.  Lunch appears.  It could be called Meal Appear.  Quick Food.  Gimme Food.  Food Wave.  Super Food.  eh, idk. 

Anyway, that's about it.

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