Monday, December 10, 2012

Am I really doing this again?

As you all know, I'm 7 and a half months pregnant.  While incredibly relieved and happy to be done with school, I am super uncomfortable.  Seriously, was it this way with JH?  I remember complaining a lot but with this pregnancy, it's gone to a new level.  I thought maybe not having to wear a bra every day for school would make me feel better- no.  The huge belly and sensitive skin has decided to drive me cray cray (yes, I use that phrase in real life and quite often to be honest).  I came across this little gem that I wrote when I was 8 months pregnant with JH.  It almost sums up what I'm feeling this pregnancy.

Oh how I miss being able to stand, without wincing or rushing to the nearest bathroom at hand
Oh how I miss being able to bend, without grunting or losing my breath by the end
Oh how I miss being able to see my toes, that are apparently swollen and look like sausage rolls

Take me back to the days when I could sleep through the night, and sleep on my stomach!  I miss that delight
Take me back to the days when all my clothes fit, and I could lift boxes without giving a ….
Take me back to the days when I ruled my body, and I wasn’t constantly feeling so haughty

Why does it feel like I’m turning eighty?  I can barely get up, what’s wrong with you Sadi?
I guess there are those times when I lie down in my bed, and I forget all those terrible things that I dread
I feel movement and life springing forth,  At that moment nothing can extinguish my torch.
I haven’t yet seen his hands or eyes, but I know he’s waiting and just as excited as I.
The discomfort will continue until the very end, yet those things will eventually mend
And I will be a Mother of a baby boy, no one can take away that kind of Joy J

I can't wait for this little girl to get here. 

4 and a half years ago...

I graduated from high school with a life plan.  I'd go to Boston University for at least a year, then maybe return to Arizona and play volleyball while going to school.  I'd finish college, go on a mission for church, come home and work for an organization working with kids that have special needs, then get married and have a family.  This was the plan...

Until about my first month of college when I met MT- the man I knew I couldn't let get away.  Suddenly my plan crumbled and all I really knew for sure is that I wanted/needed to marry this man.  This decision, while supported by my closest family and friends, often was approached by others as "interesting" or "quick" or even "crazy".  Looking back, yeah, it was all of those things.  During the engagement I promised several people that I would continue my education and get a degree.  Well people, I did it.  In fact, in the past four and a half years I have:

Moved to Boston
Gotten Married
Moved to Arizona
Moved back to Boston
Transferred to an online school
Miscarried
Worked full time for Target
Had a baby boy
Moved to California
Done 16 weeks of full-time student teaching
Gotten through another 7 and a half months of pregnancy
And yes... finished college with a dual bachelors degree in Special and Elementary Education.

Looking back, I'm so glad that my initial plan never happened.  While hard at times, I could have never imagined being where I am right now at 23.  Honestly, I now understand why people wait to have kids until later.  And honestly, I would make the same decisions I have if I had the chance to do it all over again. 

There aren't very many things in life that I am this proud of.  In order, I'm proud of my choice in a husband, my amazing kid- soon to be kids, and finishing my bachelors degree.  I've been going non stop for so long but now it's time to do what a I really want- be a mom.  Not a mom that has homework, just a mom that gets to hang out with her kids.  Yes, I'm a little scared to go back to being home all day with two kids that need me to survive but the best things in life come with some apprehension right?

I'm gonna get off my "Way to go Sadi" soap box and come back to earth because there is no way I could have graduated only 6 months behind my high school class if it weren't for some very important people.
The hubby- never has a man been so kind, generous, and thoughtful.  He has done countless hours of laundry, cooking, listening to complaining, and cleaning to keep me and this family alive. 
Family- for moral and financial support, watching my son, taking my son for weeks so me and the hubs can finish school (especially my MIL who spent 6 weeks away from her home to take care of us), and listening to me complain all the time about how hard life is
My Mentor- who checked in with me every week to make sure I was getting through my course work and encouraging me regardless of how lazy I was being
My "Host Teachers"- who let me into their workspace and sacrificed a lot of time and effort into making sure I experienced and learned all that I could in the past 16 weeks
My friends- who always expressed encouragement and never doubted me, and some of whom watched my kid on a regular basis

I guess in the end I don't really have a "Way to go Sadi" soap box.  It's more like a "Sadi is so lucky" soapbox.  I really couldn't have done any of this without all those people.  All of this probably isn't even possible for some people because they don't have what I have... and I'm humbled by the thought of it.  God has blessed me with so many wonderful things and people these last 4 and a half years.  I couldn't have done it any other way.

With that, I finish my very long winded and first ever blog post as a college graduate.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Oh, hi...

Ya... so it's been over 4 months.  I could line up my excuses for you but I'll give you a month by month recap instead.

June: Summer begins. I find out I'm pregnant. I go on an awesome 2 week vacation to Oceanside and Arizona and lie to my family about being pregnant.  I spend most of the rest of the month laying on the couch trying not to think about how sick I am while watching shows on Hulu with Henry running around me.  On the 25th I tell family and friends that I am pregnant.

July: I spend most of the month vigorously trying to finish school work before I leave for a Utah vacation.  I go on the Utah vacation and decide after I graduate and have this baby I'm going to be both an Olympian and a cowgirl (my love for the Olympics and the country have taken over at this point). 

August: I spend the first two weeks finishing up last minute school work and cleaning the house in preparation for my full time student teaching.  On the 15th, I officially start my student teaching in a second grade classroom.  I find out what it is like to be a working mother.  Henry goes to my parents house for a week while we work.

September: We visit Henry in Arizona to celebrate my grandparents 60th anniversary which was a nice break.  Henry goes to Utah for a week while we go back to work.  Henry comes back and the hubby watches him during the day while I work.  We find out we're having a little baby girl and she has a two vessel cord. 

October: FALL BREAK!  Baby girl's kidneys and heart look great (problems with these organs are most common with the two vessel cord) meaning she has great chances of coming into this world healthy and normal.  My mother-in-law arrives to help us with Henry (she'll be here for the next 5 weeks).  I get to listen to General Conference on my birthday!

Ending Thoughts:  I have cried more in this pregnancy than I have in my whole life combined.  I can not wait to be a college graduate- Dec. 15th school ends.  My husband is the most incredible man I've ever met.  Why?  Because he watches our son all day, does the laundry and dishes, has dinner waiting for me, and gets me a pillow and Stanford sports pass for my birthday.  Not to mention his spiritual guidance and influence on our home.  This has been the hardest 2 months of my life.  I get to go to Disneyland for Thanksgiving.  I am so so so happy and blessed.


Sunday, May 27, 2012

What's up

Several things have come to mind since the last time I posted which was probably in 2009.  I don't know.  I feel like it's been forever since the last time I wrote on the blog.  Anyway, here you go.
  1. Henry has been really attached to me lately (right when he's supposed to transition into nursery for church).  This is the advice I've gotten from people on how to handle him going to nursery:
  • Stay with him for a while and ease him into the atmosphere
  • Drop him and leave
  • If he's screaming you should probably let him know you haven't left him forever
  • Don't let them bring him to you if he's screaming
  • Don't worry about it
  • Worry about it
  • Be enthusiastic about the nursery and show him all the fun things
  • Don't be any fun when you're in there
  • Don't sneak out when he's not looking
  • Sneak out when he's not looking
  • etc.
He did pretty well last week.  This week was disastrous.  Here's to knowing I have an endless amount of Sundays to hopefully get this whole parenting thing right. 

       2. I keep saying I can't wait for this year to be over (aka I can't wait to be done with school).  I'm always thinking, "If I didn't have school I'd be doing this or that."  When in reality, I know that isn't how life works.  The same thing happened when I got married.  I thought I'd somehow get a sense of fashion and enjoy cleaning a house.  Nope.  I know I need to suck it up and live life even though I have a lot of school work but I don't know how to do it.  And therefore, I just keep waiting for this year to be over.

       3. I hate that the word gender implies that you either like cars or dolls.  I've been witness to a very boyish boy.  He loves balls, buses, cars, airplanes, and trains.  But in reality, liking those things doesn't make him a boy.  I know this can be a much more complex issue but I really dislike that hobbies/interests are used to define gender.

       4.  When I go to the store I usually buy one dessert for the week.  I can never decide between ice cream or Italian ice.  I want both.  They're just equally good in different ways.

       5. Lastly, I want to go to Disneyland.

Sorry ladies... he's mine :)

As promised, here is the story of our 3rd anniversary.  Although, I would first like to give some back story.  Our first anniversary was spent in Plymouth, Massachusetts where we go a hotel, walked around the quaint town, and saw the famous and rather small Plymouth Rock.  Our second anniversary the hubs wanted to plan himself.  The whole story can be read here but basically I was really worried that he wouldn't think of something or forget to set everything up and it would be a disaster.  However, it ended up being probably one of the top 3 dates we have ever been on.  We went on a Boston Harbor dinner cruise and danced the night away.  Apparently, the hubs enjoyed the whole "surprise wifey with something really awesome" thing and he decided to do it again, even though he's in the middle of his end of the year project. 
So, he comes home from the lab and tells me he's taking Henry to sleep at a friends house and that my ride would be here at 7:15 to pick me up for dinner.  Confused and slightly worried I got ready.  As it turns out, one of his classmates is at the door to drive me to dinner in his mini cooper (pretty sick ride if you ask me).  He starts driving me into campus and we're getting closer and closer to the lab that the hubs works at.  I told Pete, his classmate, that if we were eating in the lab to take me home right then because I wasn't going to do that :) 
Pete drops me off right outside the lab and another one of the hub's classmates opens my door wearing tan shorts, no shoes, a suit jacket, with a cloth on his arm (he looks like a goofy/fancy waiter).  He walks me behind the lab.  I wish now that I would have taken a picture of what I saw.  You know in the movies when the guys sets up a table for two with candles in a super romantic spot?  Well, there was the hubs sitting at a table for two in the middle of a pond with fountains and everything.  It was soooo sweet!  His classmates served us 3 courses (that may or may not have come from Applebee's carside-to-go) and even played some music.  It was probably one of the most romantic settings ever.  And it was so much fun!  Here are some pictures-







I also wish I would have gotten pictures of what happened after dinner.  The hubs pulled out two super soakers and we totally had a water fight.  It was awesome and I clearly won.  Anyway, it was such a nice night and it was fun to rekindle the light of our marriage.  Morgan (Thomas) and I are pretty opposite and different in a lot of ways but honestly, I'm so glad we're different.  He shows me how to be who I am regardless of the people around me.  He always makes me a better person and he never lets me forget that I'm loved.  So, to the best three years of my life.  Happy anniversary babe!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I judge. Do not judge me.

Once upon a time, I told myself I wouldn't be one of those mom's that only posts facebook statuses, blogs, and pictures about and of their children. I just figured those mom's were overly obsessed with their kids and they needed to get a life. Well, my view has changed and here is why:

1. Yes, when a mom makes a remark about how their baby is the cutest baby ever, everyone else is thinking... actually, I've seen better (or is that just me?-semi joking) Anyway, the beautiful thing about posting pictures of children is that NO ONE can say, "Wow, what an ugly baby." So, why not post a billion pictures of your kid playing with tampons on the bathroom floor. (Or is that just me again?)

2. Children aren't the only thing in a mother's life but often, they are the most important thing in a mother's life. So, why, when you are telling the world about your life, would you post something other than the most important? I'm proud of a lot of things I do but not quite as proud as I am when J Henry learns a new trick.

3. I'm proud of being a proud mom. I feel like it's very important for people to get an education, have hobbies, and be independent. And I think when people see mom's only posting about their children, they might think the mom isn't living life to her fullest or somehow restrained by the presence of her kids. While in some cases this may be true, there is NO experience like that of being a parent. I have learned how capable I am because of Henry. I've felt feelings of love, fear, anxiety, and gratefulness deeper than I ever have before. My love for my child doesn't make me any less of an individual.

This is probably where I should say sorry to all those moms I judged before I became a mom. Sorry.

Well, this post is way too deep for my liking. Tonight, I was eating rocky road ice cream. I probably had a good 2 cups of ice cream in my bowl. There were only 2 chocolate covered almonds in the whole thing! AND I ate them at the beginning! Man, I was so mad.

I'm glad you all got to read this. Word to your mother.