Monday, December 10, 2012

Am I really doing this again?

As you all know, I'm 7 and a half months pregnant.  While incredibly relieved and happy to be done with school, I am super uncomfortable.  Seriously, was it this way with JH?  I remember complaining a lot but with this pregnancy, it's gone to a new level.  I thought maybe not having to wear a bra every day for school would make me feel better- no.  The huge belly and sensitive skin has decided to drive me cray cray (yes, I use that phrase in real life and quite often to be honest).  I came across this little gem that I wrote when I was 8 months pregnant with JH.  It almost sums up what I'm feeling this pregnancy.

Oh how I miss being able to stand, without wincing or rushing to the nearest bathroom at hand
Oh how I miss being able to bend, without grunting or losing my breath by the end
Oh how I miss being able to see my toes, that are apparently swollen and look like sausage rolls

Take me back to the days when I could sleep through the night, and sleep on my stomach!  I miss that delight
Take me back to the days when all my clothes fit, and I could lift boxes without giving a ….
Take me back to the days when I ruled my body, and I wasn’t constantly feeling so haughty

Why does it feel like I’m turning eighty?  I can barely get up, what’s wrong with you Sadi?
I guess there are those times when I lie down in my bed, and I forget all those terrible things that I dread
I feel movement and life springing forth,  At that moment nothing can extinguish my torch.
I haven’t yet seen his hands or eyes, but I know he’s waiting and just as excited as I.
The discomfort will continue until the very end, yet those things will eventually mend
And I will be a Mother of a baby boy, no one can take away that kind of Joy J

I can't wait for this little girl to get here. 

4 and a half years ago...

I graduated from high school with a life plan.  I'd go to Boston University for at least a year, then maybe return to Arizona and play volleyball while going to school.  I'd finish college, go on a mission for church, come home and work for an organization working with kids that have special needs, then get married and have a family.  This was the plan...

Until about my first month of college when I met MT- the man I knew I couldn't let get away.  Suddenly my plan crumbled and all I really knew for sure is that I wanted/needed to marry this man.  This decision, while supported by my closest family and friends, often was approached by others as "interesting" or "quick" or even "crazy".  Looking back, yeah, it was all of those things.  During the engagement I promised several people that I would continue my education and get a degree.  Well people, I did it.  In fact, in the past four and a half years I have:

Moved to Boston
Gotten Married
Moved to Arizona
Moved back to Boston
Transferred to an online school
Miscarried
Worked full time for Target
Had a baby boy
Moved to California
Done 16 weeks of full-time student teaching
Gotten through another 7 and a half months of pregnancy
And yes... finished college with a dual bachelors degree in Special and Elementary Education.

Looking back, I'm so glad that my initial plan never happened.  While hard at times, I could have never imagined being where I am right now at 23.  Honestly, I now understand why people wait to have kids until later.  And honestly, I would make the same decisions I have if I had the chance to do it all over again. 

There aren't very many things in life that I am this proud of.  In order, I'm proud of my choice in a husband, my amazing kid- soon to be kids, and finishing my bachelors degree.  I've been going non stop for so long but now it's time to do what a I really want- be a mom.  Not a mom that has homework, just a mom that gets to hang out with her kids.  Yes, I'm a little scared to go back to being home all day with two kids that need me to survive but the best things in life come with some apprehension right?

I'm gonna get off my "Way to go Sadi" soap box and come back to earth because there is no way I could have graduated only 6 months behind my high school class if it weren't for some very important people.
The hubby- never has a man been so kind, generous, and thoughtful.  He has done countless hours of laundry, cooking, listening to complaining, and cleaning to keep me and this family alive. 
Family- for moral and financial support, watching my son, taking my son for weeks so me and the hubs can finish school (especially my MIL who spent 6 weeks away from her home to take care of us), and listening to me complain all the time about how hard life is
My Mentor- who checked in with me every week to make sure I was getting through my course work and encouraging me regardless of how lazy I was being
My "Host Teachers"- who let me into their workspace and sacrificed a lot of time and effort into making sure I experienced and learned all that I could in the past 16 weeks
My friends- who always expressed encouragement and never doubted me, and some of whom watched my kid on a regular basis

I guess in the end I don't really have a "Way to go Sadi" soap box.  It's more like a "Sadi is so lucky" soapbox.  I really couldn't have done any of this without all those people.  All of this probably isn't even possible for some people because they don't have what I have... and I'm humbled by the thought of it.  God has blessed me with so many wonderful things and people these last 4 and a half years.  I couldn't have done it any other way.

With that, I finish my very long winded and first ever blog post as a college graduate.